Thicker Than Water
by Floatlikeafeather
Summary: Carla goes to visit Rob


Carla couldn't believe she was actually doing this; she had almost turned around so many times during the journey to the prison, that would clearly have been the sensible thing to do but now she found herself sitting in the visiting area, waiting nervously for him to appear. Her curiosity had won out in the end; when she had received the visiting order the previous week Peter had begged her to bin it and think no more about what her brother could possibly want from her, save herself from the heartache. But she knew deep down that she would not have been able to put it to rest, would always have those questions nagging in the back of her mind; at least this way she would know his motives and anyway, it wasn't like he could hurt her anymore was it? He had already done his worst and she had made it through, she wasn't about to let him destroy her life again.

The envelope nearly hadn't reached her at all. It had been sent to the factory, redirected to the community centre, and was waiting with a pile of business paperwork when Sarah had noticed the prison stamp and brought it to Roy's. Carla had overheard the whispered conversation with Peter about whether to pass it on and had interrupted them, angry that they still thought her unable to think for herself, to make these decisions; yes she had been ill, but she was now better and they needed to let her get on with her life, stop suffocating her. Maybe that was another reason she had decided to come, to show them that she could.

She was interrupted from her thoughts by the sound of the door opening and watched as the prisoners started to file into the room, each face lighting up with recognition as they caught sight of their loved ones and made their way over to them. Eventually she saw him, he was one of the last to enter and she gasped at the change in him since their previous meeting. He looked older; she was unsure if this was just because of the full beard he now sported, or if the realities of prison life had finally caught up with him. She struggled to compose herself as he approached, determined not to be the one to crack in this game of wits she knew they were about to play.

"Hello, sis. I have to admit I'm surprised you actually came. I thought you'd washed your hands of me three and a half years ago when you found your shiny new family."

She took a deep breath and forced a dry smile, she wouldn't let him rattle her.

"Well you asked me here. Why don't you get straight to the point, cut the crap so we can both get on with our lives."

Rob sat down in the chair opposite her and leaned back slowly, smirking at her, playing the big man just as he always did; he seemed to forget she knew his act just as he knew hers, that she still remembered the scared little boy that hid underneath.

"I just wanted the gossip straight from the horse's mouth. I saw on the news that the factory roof had collapsed, killed your sister's fiancée, and I was just curious really. I'm sure it can't have done much for that sisterly bond you have."

Peter had been right, of course he had. Rob was trying to hurt her all over again, just as he always did. She felt stupid for not listening, not sparing herself from this. She needed to get away from him, not rise to his taunts.

"I'm not doing this Rob. I thought we were clear about where me and you stand, that you were to leave me alone to live my life. Find your entertainment elsewhere why don't you."

She watched him ponder his next move, considering how he could get past her defences, hurt her the most. She should never have come.

"I know you went missing, what happened? Worried you would end up locked away like me?"

"You know nothing Rob, so why don't you go back to your cell and carry on creating your little scenarios without me in them."

She saw a flicker of emotion as his eyes locked with hers, his mask slipping just for a second before he gathered himself again. They were similar in so many ways, he wasn't as tough as he pretended to be either.

"The police came to see me you know, to check if you'd made contact. They seemed really worried about you. I told them you had abandoned me a long time ago."

This sparked a wave of anger which caught Carla by surprise. How did he always do this to her? Why couldn't she just ignore him and move on?

"Do you know what Rob, I've had enough. Yes I did go missing, yes I've had a lot of stuff going on, but I am well aware that the only reason you want to know is so you'll have more ammunition to use against me and I'm not sitting here and letting you pull me down. You want to know if I've made mistakes? If I'm hurting? Yes I have and yes I am but at least I'm owning my decisions, not blaming everyone else and lashing out to try and make myself feel better like you do. Did the police tell you that I had a breakdown? Well I did, I ended up in a psychiatric unit. Is that enough suffering for you? We're done here."

She got up to leave, determined to be out of his sight before the tears she could feel pooling in her eyes betrayed her.

"Carla, wait."

There was something in his tone that made her hesitate, before turning back to face him. She was shocked to see the pain evident in his expression, that he was also trying not to cry. He looked away as she sat back down.

"I am sorry you know, for everything I did to you."

She waited for him to look up and meet her gaze before responding,

"Then why do you do it? I could have been there for you, you know. I would have tried. But all you ever do is find new ways to try and destroy me, and I don't need that Rob, I can cause myself enough hurt without you."

Rob sighed. "I don't know. There's something wrong in my head I guess. I just can't seem to let you go, even after all this time. The thing with Johnny, I did regret what I did, blackmailing him. I was just so jealous that you'd given up on me when you were all the family I had left, and then you started building this new life intertwined with the Connors, when I knew Johnny had lied to you all along."

"Don't make out you were doing me a favour Rob. You wanted to cause maximum damage to me as well as him."

"You're right I did. But it was also a way to make contact with you. I know it seems warped. It was just easier to hate you than admit that I missed you. I still miss you."

This wasn't going the way Carla had thought it would. Was it all another act? She watched him as he played with his fingers nervously, the bravado of earlier completely gone.

"What do you want me to say to that? You threw a grenade into my life, into Kate and Aiden's too. We worked through it eventually, but it took a long time Rob. You knew exactly what you were doing."

He nodded. "Yeah I did. I can't pretend otherwise. But I'm glad you have them, glad you've got some family. I mean that."

It hit her then that he didn't know about Aiden. She debated whether to tell him but decided against it, as much as she wanted to trust this new, repentant Rob sitting opposite her, she wasn't prepared to expose herself to that extent, bitter experience had showed how unwise that would be.

"Are you doing OK now? Did they support you through everything, your breakdown I mean?"

She looked up at him and was touched by the genuine look of concern on his face.

"Yes they did, and Roy too, and Peter's been brilliant…"

"Peter?" He interrupted "Don't tell me he's weaselled his way back into your life. I really thought you were smarter than that."

She felt the anger flare again "Don't even think about going there Rob. You have no idea what he's done for me the last few months, what he's like now. I couldn't have got through it without him so don't you dare judge me. Maybe it's time I left."

She glared at him, challenging him to make a snide comment, to undo all the progress they'd made, but he must have thought better of it.

"OK, I'll take your word for it, I didn't mean to upset you. Stay a few more minutes yeah?"

He was almost pleading with her so she decided to give him the benefit of the doubt one last time.

"So what's happening with you? Are you keeping your head down in here, staying out of trouble?"

He laughed wryly at the question. "Well of course, I've got more business qualifications now, I'll complete my degree this year; if only I wasn't stuck here for the next 20 years I could be a real high flyer you know."

"I'm sure you would be Rob, you always did have the gift of the gab didn't you."

He looked suddenly reflective. "I do know what I threw away. I could have had a great life…. How are Tracey and Amy?"

Carla felt overwhelmingly sad. She thought back to when Rob and Tracey were together; she couldn't stand her even then, but she had to admit that she had never seen her brother as happy as when they were together. It would be cruel to him to go into detail so she settled with a simple "They're fine", watching Rob try to be nonchalant when she could see the hurt he felt at thoughts of what might have been.

The bell to signal the end of visiting time brought them both back to the present.

"Will you come and see me again?"

Carla struggled with this question. She was glad that he had finally opened up to her, shown her that he was capable of more than just hate, but did that really cancel out all he had done?

"I'm not sure that would be good for either of us, are you?" She smiled at him sadly, wishing that things could be different. "Too much has happened for us to go back now. But if you wanted to write every once in a while, we could maybe see how that goes."

She reached across and gave his hand a quick squeeze, before standing and making her way to the exit, glancing back one last time. Peter would think she was mad, but Rob was her brother, the only one she had now. While she would never be able to forget the past, one thing she'd learned from recent experience was that sometimes you had to let things go and move forward. As she walked out into the warm afternoon air she felt lighter, like a weight she didn't know she was carrying had been lifted. She saw Peter walking over to meet her and leaned gratefully into his embrace. He didn't push her for information, and she was glad of this. For the first time in years she had seen a glimpse of the brother she remembered, someone she had thought was lost forever. For Carla right now, that was enough.


End file.
